Change and Grieving

As you are experiencing change, especially if you consider it significant change, you may experience a profound sense of loss. Oddly enough, this may occur even if the change is perceived as something that is positive, such as a raise that enables you to move into a bigger house.

In order to move beyond the change, you may need to allow some time to mourn, or grieve for what has been lost. In the above example of moving to a new house, you may have moved out of the neighborhood you grew up in. You may have moved across the state and away from your best friend. You will likely experience these as a personal loss.

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross documented the stages of grief that terminally ill people go through. In the ensuing years, it was noticed that this emotional cycle was not exclusive just to the terminally ill, but also other people who were affected by bad news, such as losing their jobs or otherwise being negatively affected by change. The important factor is not that the change is good or bad, but that they perceive it as a significantly negative event.

The stages are:

  • Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the news.
  • Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
  • Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
  • Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
  • Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
  • Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.
  • Hope and acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

Most write ups of this model in recent years have focused on grief, while this is great for doctors and councilors, it is not helpful in business.

The determining factor in the application of the Kübler-Ross model is not so much the event but the potential pain or importance that you might associate with a particular change. Given two people facing a layoff, one may cope perfectly fine with the job loss and see it as an opportunity to try new things and finally get out of a dead-end position. The other individual, having staked their future plans on a continued career with the same company they loved working for, might well find themselves going through the five stages of grief.

It is important to note that not all individuals will pass through all five stages of grief, do so in any predetermined amount of time, or necessarily do so in the order outlined below. It does appear, however, that any individual dealing with considerable grief will probably pass through at least two of the stages.

Grief can take months, even years, depending on the extent of your crisis or loss, your ability to cope and the support you have. Generally, time is a healer. In the end, the change will be in the past. Life will eventually start to re-emerge.

This is the fifth in an ongoing series of articles on Change and Transition Management.

It is part of the overall series on Strategic Planning developed to help both Internet Marketers and off-line businesses to succeed in any economy, and in any market.